Get your Fcking dog on a Fcking lead....

I had a few titles in my head for this story about how a gentle sunday afternoon stroll turned into something altogether more agressive but on reflection the title I have picked sums it up....

Me and Hubs wrapped up and parked our car on the Monton roundabout and set off for a nice walk along the newly refurbed (courtesy of Sustrans no doubt) paths through Monton, with a few choices of where you come out, our usual is Worsley, we like to watch the gentle waves on the canal , ripples being caused by the ducks and generally be at one with nature...... but before we got 20 mins into our little walk we heard a comotion, it seemed at a distance to be two sets of dogs barking at each other and a couple of little girls a little frightened, the usual stuff, on getting closer it was non other than a former united player, his wife and their two daughters accompanying the most foul mouthed, red faced angry man shouting "get your fcking dog on a fcking lead" to a perplexed and shocked couple in their late fifties who had a collection of three giddy dogs of differing varieties with their tails wagging, now red faced angry swearing man (acommpanying that well known ex united player whose father has the same first name as his last name, was very quiet and probrably wanted to distance himself from the whole thing) actually had a dog with him that wasnt on a lead, I dont know, he was screaming at his wife too, who looked silent and fuming and like a woman about who pushed any further would be calling her solicitor first thing on monday morning to part company with this ruffian of a hubs, she hopefully manage to get a decent enough pay off to enable her never to have to join the real world of the working woman ever again,

She was called Kate and as much as I have searched google I cant seem to find out if she was a blood relative of either Mr or Mrs NXXXXXX, so I am now guessing they were friends, I can imagine the conversation on the way home to bolton later that day

........ thats the last time I meet any of the friends you went to school with, they are trash..

I swear by almighty god that the evidence I have given is the truth and nothing but the truth so help me Max Clifford, the real dampener was hubs telling me not to stare and not letting me walk extra slow to fully take the whole scene in, or follow them etc.........

Mrs Mahoo

Two Hoots!

After our inebriated shenanigans on our official "works do", I decided to do a review of a Manchester eatery, not really because it was extremely good food or anything, but the service and seating were nice and the fact you got three courses plus a bottle of wine per person, yes a large bottle per person for £25.00 was what made it so memorable.....

I wrote a review and once it was published in the MEN City life section, I received a very welcome email that went like this.......

Dear Maria

I’m getting in touch to firstly say congratulations on having your restaurant review published in the Manchester Evening News recently! As I’m sure you know, the prize for this achievement is 12 bottles of Joseph Holt’s newest bottled ale, Two Hoots. We are more than happy to arrange you collecting the beer from your local Holt’s pub. With this in mind, can you get back to me and let me know which pub you are closest too and when is best for you to collect?

I do love these kinds of emails and wanted to share it with my regular blogg readers (I mean you, Lesley X).

I stayed on the bus an extra stop and nipped into the Melville Public House in Stretford, with my email and the lovely landlord helped me "double bag" 12 bottles of two hoots, as it was early doors the clientelle were all a bit curious as to what I was doing, I did explain to two neighbours but I dont think they understood, so I just said simply " I won it", which for one of my neighbours he has experience of, as he has kindly signed for all manner of strange items, jiffy bags and even flight tickets for Vegas once upon a time in 2008. He raised a glass to me and said how lucky I was.

this story is dedicated to anyone who has ever dropped a lead crystal paperweight on their foot in a charity shop and manage not to scream and frighten nearby children looking at picture books, the bruise took a week to come out properly and three weeks to go. nothing was broken

Max Clifford on my speed dial.................

despite all my excitement when I received a phone call from Take a Break magazine stating they were very interested in running a story with pictures about my lucky year of winning competitions, they got in touch by email to say it was all off....


The email read......

Dear Maria,

Unfortunately there are no plans to place your story in our publication so you are no longer under contract with us. I'm so sorry. I did contact you a while a go but we must have got our wires crossed.Good luck in the future


Senior WriterTake a Break

The emotional pain and injury to my feelings are so bad that I feel I should contact Max Clifford to act on my behalf and wont settle for anything less than a two figure sum (a tenner should cover it!)

ah well, you win some you lose some

I wouldnt mind so much but my big mouth ran away with me and I told people I was going to be in take a break so now they think I am not only a nutter but a liar which is so much worse......

Anyway attached is a snap of a fab chocolate hamper I actually did win last year, honest not lying or anything .....