Goodbye to the fantastic 2011

I have had all kinds of years and 2011 was one I would like to keep for a bit longer, but as I dont have magic powers (dratt) I will have to stick with convention and the real mortal world, in about 20 minutes I will have to raise a glass with hubs and hope 2012 is as good as the one we are kissing goodbye to.

It was the year my youngest lovingly referred to as "feckles" (said like freckles with out the R) the name is of course a re jigged feck, fecky from the irish often used in phrases such as feck off, you little fecker etc..... turned 18, learnt how to drive, passed her test and went halves with me on our KA, she also headed to NY to celebrate this coming of age (although she couldnt raise a glass unless it contained a non alcoholic beverage, still), all achieved by working and saving her own money - there are very few who could manage that, but feckles is strong minded and determind she will achieve anything she puts her mind to, I have no doubt.

It was the Year I won very little, but I am thinking of it as a farmer would a fallow field, having a rest from everything before being replanted with crops for the next year - crop rotation in the middle ages anyone?

It was a year my eldest known as Leesy peasy (but god only by me)started working from home (I am jealous of his oh so easy commutes from the back bedroom to our front room) he is now an expert on under the hammer, and all those day time programmes his grandma Kenny watches. He also has lots of travel including various parts of England, Ireland and Scotland. There is talk of him moving out and getting his own place, at which a real of "men behaving badly" runs through my mind........

It was the year my hubs turned a very grown up 50, well someone did say middle aged but I think thats a tad ambitious I know of no one in either family who got a telegram from the queen (If you get my drift). Although my dear old former neighbour Ethel will be 105 in May 2012, so who knows.

The only thing I can think of that I will mis is my youngests first proper relationshop ending, he was and still is a lovely lad and was a very welcome addition to the family, anyone reading this who hasnt experienced it wont understand and those that do will be nodding to themselves, as we know all things end but not always by mutual agreement.

God Bless us one and all

Saturday Night Fever.......

On waking on Saturday morning I did feel a little drained but hey who doesnt when they work full time, I had had almost 11 hours kip after drinking just two delish glasses of red and I was ready for a couple of days off.

I did some mega house work and went for the burn whilst dressed in my extreme yoga outfit and went for the burn whilst hoovering the hall stairs and landing and that cupboard we keep the crisps....

Dropped a bag off at the charity shop and bought a loaf and I was home within the hour, and then I started going down hill rapidly, I felt hot and sick and had a banging headache. And that was saturday its now Tuesday and I havent left the house since, its all the symptoms of a cold without the snotty nose I had a fever that broke last night, I kept thinking of all those old films where the doctor would say " the next 24 hours are crucial" and they all had very stern faces. Of course I didnt get any of that treatment, mostly it was what we gonna do we have run out of toilet rolls and butter? and I had to give a list and some spare change from my purse to my youngest to go to the shop for essential provisions whilst I sweated and halucinated along the following lines.......

Saturday Night
I dreamt I was waiting for a 309 at a bus stop in didsbury from 3.30 to 5.30 and each time one came no matter how much i put my hand out they slowed down then sped off ...............


Sunday Night - I dreamt I was someones wedding planner and they wanted to arrive at the church on their own on a white horse, they wanted party favours on the cheap and I suggested little bags filled with licorice alsorts and we were looking at reams of organza and I was thinking how did I get roped into this?

Monday Snooze 1 - My black winter coat somehow ended up on a hanger hung on the front of my wardrobe so whilst I was dipping in and out of sleep with a temperature I had the added bonus of thinking the grim reaper was hovering too.. this got tangled up in my thought processes as my mum in laws sister is being cremated on tuesday and there had been a discussion on who was attending, poor aunty midge, but I am way too young (and healthy) to be joining her so when I woke up properly I asked one of the kids to hide the coat as it gave me such a fright.......


Monday Night - I dreamt I was taking minutes at an important meeting and kept sitting down then forgetting something from my desk, this went on and on until my manager said " what on earth is wrong with you, I wont put up with this much longer you are a disappointment to me and i think you better look for another job".......

that was the worst one, yes worse than the reaper, so much so I had to touch base and phone work just to hear a friendly voice......and then I needed to raid the cupboards for cake, chocolate or anything with zero nutritional value but lots of sugar

No more sweats today, I am going back tomorrow and so very glad I am on the right side of the lurgy......there is a faint possibility I have taken paracetomol and codeine for more than the recomended three days before consulting a doctor..but hopefully no one will snitch on me

Maria

Singing and Dancing n stuff

As I say frequently to my children, the difference between a bad idea turning into a good idea is about 3 pints, so the copious amounts of red wine I drank after our annual Christmas works do more than made the difference, We had a lovely three course meal in Beluga with the added bonus of a full bottle of wine per person, despite my protests of "I wont be able to manage that on my own" not only did I but all my colleagues did too and some, on settling the bill and walking upstairs to the bar with our 2 for 1 vouchers, I spotted a discarded glass of red and slurped that too, which is why it was a good idea that my next drink was water, onwards to Corbieres because they have a juke box and by now I wanted to sing loudly whilst forgetting the lyrics of old songs and dance and force anyone in my vacinity to dance too.....

the juke box fired up and the first track came on and I was up........ singing..... or shouting actually.....Denis Denis, I've got a crush on you, Denis Denis, I'm so in love with you, Oh when we walk it always feels so nice, And when we talk it seems like paradise, Denis Denis, I'm so in love with you............

and then

Echo and the bunny men start up with ............Stab a sorry heart, With your favourite finger, Paint the whole world blue, And stop your tears from stihhhhinging
Hear the cavemen singing, Good news they're bringing


Seven seas,Swimming them so well, Glad to see, My face among them, Kissing the tortoise shell and continuing with

A longing for
Some fresher feeling
Belonging
Or just forever kneeling
Where is the sense in stealing
Without the grace to be it

Seven seas
Swimming them so well
Glad to see
My face among them
Kissing the tortoise shell



Yes your right Corbieres doesnt have a dancefloor, just a few squares of lino in the vacinity of the gents toilets, like I said before the difference between a bad idea turning good is just a few pints of lager or way too much red wine....

Seven seas, swimming them so well, glad to see my face amongst them kissing the tortoise shehllllllllllll

The Ghost of Christmas's Naff

In my 44 years I have had many different kinds of Chrismas's some better than others and never two the same, there was one where I got a wendy house and a tea set, and I spent most of the day in the house like someone who didnt want to be disturbed, my brother pushed a bottle of panda pop in an unaturally coloured mixture that I used in the teaset, it was a synthetic raspberry flavour, December 1972
I remember one with us sitting round the table, my nana, me and my brother and a very drunk stranger sat with us, I can see his smile now, it was so wide it looked like his face was melting and his eyes were all blury, he was unaware my mum and dad were in the kitchen arguing, along the lines of....... "but we dont even know him", " I know Chris but he had nowhere else to go, what was I to do leave him there"? "yes, you were" this man was a drinking buddy of my Dad's from the working mens club and very obviously down on his luck, his wife had chucked him out and my dad felt sorry for him, after all 'tis the season to be jolly and I am sure he wasn't till he came to ours.

He managed to eat, although it was very messy and then he had a sleep on the settee with a couple of coats thrown over him in our back room, later on he watched the Morecombe and Wise Christmas Special, I had a Starsky and Hutch colouring set and he plaited my long hair then cried and said he missed his family, to which my dad opened up a Party Seven (huge can of boozy bitter with a strange rubber stopper on it, it was all the rage along with peanuts in a can in the mid 70's) in those days it was perfectly acceptable to drink when your life was going down the toilet, oh how times have changed (actually they havent its just not seen acceptable anymore despite people still doing it), there was no counciling readily available and i dont suppose that strap line at the bottom of the programmes that is all to familiar now was invented.... December 1976
We moved house a couple of years later, my mum worked full time, she was worn out and as we all know the minute you finish for Christmas you get the flu,I was 12 and under the watchful eye of mum I wrapped my own presents (never have I wanted to look through a Jackie annual so much, even ill she didnt miss a trick) December 1978.
The one where I went out on Christmas Eve, got bored with my parents company in the Working Mens Club (I should have stayed it really was just like Phoenix Nights, but not in an ironic way) I foolishly got a taxi to the Railway Public house in Reddish, drank four witches hats (cider, blackcurrent and pernod) had a good time until someone put the bay window through, we all got chucked out and I became entangled with two fighting gangs, had my nose broken and my handbag stolen) I didnt half sober up quick, they caught the boy who headbutted me and the case went to court the following April, he said I knifed him in his thigh, I stood up and said, of course I didnt (all those years watching crown court with me Nana wasnt for nothing, I gave a good performance my dad said. December 1984.

Before I knew it my childhood was over and I was 20 moving into my own house with future hubs to be, we signed on the dotted line, got the keys and celebrated with a Huge Dutch Pancake each, were in for December 18th, by the 20th I had bought a tin opener, we had two bean bags and the oldest black and white tv, that was more black than white and watching anything was indeed a multicultural experience, I think we had my mums garden furniture, the only new thing we had was a double bed and it was the first time I had slept with a duvet or continental quilt as they were known in the 80s December 1987.
I have missed out a few horrors, but I think its just to say that it aint Hollywood or Miracle on 34th Street, its real life and a few things matter, first its worth remembering the shops are only closed for one day, so you dont need to stockpile food and drink. dont be greedy.

Where children are concerned it can be fairly tricky to keep up the old Santa lie, one year Hubs told First born Santa was dead to be fair it had been a rough time, we had our tv repossessed (we paid 22.50 a month, for tv, video from granada and i was behind three months and they came and took it), we were behind on our water rates, they sold the debt to a debt collecting company, well I say company they were thugs and I am sure it wouldnt be allowed now, anyway, Christmas was coming and I did the only option open to me, I bought leesy peasy two major items from a littlewoods catalogue and paid it back the following January to July,I think it was a Guitar and a Lego castle December 1993

I am going to finish with a Christmas that floats into my mind often, my 6 year old desp wanted inline skates, it really wasnt an unreasonable request, but scaping together the 60 quid wasnt possible, until I spotted them in T J Hughes for 14 pounds, I got them, checked the size ect and he was made up with them on Christmas day, I put the baby in the pram and we walked to the park that had the best flat surfaces to practice on , only to find they were the right size but were two right feet, he was gutted, we walked back home silently, and the following day I took them back, the day after we did the same trip just the two of us this time the the Park with the flat surfaces, (I wanted to give him my full attention) only to find we had two left feet, as I was taking them off and handing him his trainers he said, take them back to the shop and get your money back it doesnt matter now, and thats what I did, a look of utter disapointment, however the boy is now 23 and is able to relay this story annually and to his utter advantage (in so many ways) its loved so really its a gift that just keeps giving December 1997


right I am off now to wrap sprouts in discarded ferrara rochet wrappers, it gets em everytime

Ho Ho whatever

Mahooo

Things are looking up......

I have won a competition yee har, its been a while but it happens, I just take a deep breath and continue with my formula and eventually a ripple, then a wave then I get out me surfboard and ride those wonderful winning waves of prizes.......

the email said...... Dear Maria, congratualations on winning first prize in the photographic competition, yours was the most original entry of you reading a maggie Steifler teenage horror fiction book at the feet of the Marilyn Monroe statue in chicago, would you be good enough to give me a postal address and I will send out your cheque for 100 pounds in due course......

and that was the beginning of a pretty good week, ok, it rained, it was cold, the bus didnt always come on time for my commute into manchester, but my ipod was with me and I had two new albums to check out whilst reading the metro and I had a 100 quid I hadnt been expecting.

I do wonder if there was a sign or a hidden message, as you may not know I am being treated for four particularly difficult to shift veruccas (at my age and I havent been to Reddish Baths since the late 70's!) after continuing the regime at home until my next appointment, two have retreated altogether, one is still being tricky and finally the last one has got a smiley face on it, I kid you not, I took a picture on my new smart phone and clear as day there are two dots for eyes and a big smile,it looks a little like one of those potatoe smiles you give kids for their dinners, the frozen ones.

The good side of me, thinks, well anything could happen all is well and the naughty side thinks, ha, you wont be smiling when the chiropodist gets hold of you on 21st December (next appointment), now if we still had thats life with Esther I could send it in there, but as we dont, I have forwarded the snap to one very trusted friend for her expert opinion.

hmmmmmmm