In my 44 years I have had many different kinds of Chrismas's some better than others and never two the same, there was one where I got a wendy house and a tea set, and I spent most of the day in the house like someone who didnt want to be disturbed, my brother pushed a bottle of panda pop in an unaturally coloured mixture that I used in the teaset, it was a synthetic raspberry flavour, December 1972
I remember one with us sitting round the table, my nana, me and my brother and a very drunk stranger sat with us, I can see his smile now, it was so wide it looked like his face was melting and his eyes were all blury, he was unaware my mum and dad were in the kitchen arguing, along the lines of....... "but we dont even know him", " I know Chris but he had nowhere else to go, what was I to do leave him there"? "yes, you were" this man was a drinking buddy of my Dad's from the working mens club and very obviously down on his luck, his wife had chucked him out and my dad felt sorry for him, after all 'tis the season to be jolly and I am sure he wasn't till he came to ours.
He managed to eat, although it was very messy and then he had a sleep on the settee with a couple of coats thrown over him in our back room, later on he watched the Morecombe and Wise Christmas Special, I had a Starsky and Hutch colouring set and he plaited my long hair then cried and said he missed his family, to which my dad opened up a Party Seven (huge can of boozy bitter with a strange rubber stopper on it, it was all the rage along with peanuts in a can in the mid 70's) in those days it was perfectly acceptable to drink when your life was going down the toilet, oh how times have changed (actually they havent its just not seen acceptable anymore despite people still doing it), there was no counciling readily available and i dont suppose that strap line at the bottom of the programmes that is all to familiar now was invented.... December 1976
We moved house a couple of years later, my mum worked full time, she was worn out and as we all know the minute you finish for Christmas you get the flu,I was 12 and under the watchful eye of mum I wrapped my own presents (never have I wanted to look through a Jackie annual so much, even ill she didnt miss a trick) December 1978.
The one where I went out on Christmas Eve, got bored with my parents company in the Working Mens Club (I should have stayed it really was just like Phoenix Nights, but not in an ironic way) I foolishly got a taxi to the Railway Public house in Reddish, drank four witches hats (cider, blackcurrent and pernod) had a good time until someone put the bay window through, we all got chucked out and I became entangled with two fighting gangs, had my nose broken and my handbag stolen) I didnt half sober up quick, they caught the boy who headbutted me and the case went to court the following April, he said I knifed him in his thigh, I stood up and said, of course I didnt (all those years watching crown court with me Nana wasnt for nothing, I gave a good performance my dad said. December 1984.
Before I knew it my childhood was over and I was 20 moving into my own house with future hubs to be, we signed on the dotted line, got the keys and celebrated with a Huge Dutch Pancake each, were in for December 18th, by the 20th I had bought a tin opener, we had two bean bags and the oldest black and white tv, that was more black than white and watching anything was indeed a multicultural experience, I think we had my mums garden furniture, the only new thing we had was a double bed and it was the first time I had slept with a duvet or continental quilt as they were known in the 80s December 1987.
I have missed out a few horrors, but I think its just to say that it aint Hollywood or Miracle on 34th Street, its real life and a few things matter, first its worth remembering the shops are only closed for one day, so you dont need to stockpile food and drink. dont be greedy.
Where children are concerned it can be fairly tricky to keep up the old Santa lie, one year Hubs told First born Santa was dead to be fair it had been a rough time, we had our tv repossessed (we paid 22.50 a month, for tv, video from granada and i was behind three months and they came and took it), we were behind on our water rates, they sold the debt to a debt collecting company, well I say company they were thugs and I am sure it wouldnt be allowed now, anyway, Christmas was coming and I did the only option open to me, I bought leesy peasy two major items from a littlewoods catalogue and paid it back the following January to July,I think it was a Guitar and a Lego castle December 1993
I am going to finish with a Christmas that floats into my mind often, my 6 year old desp wanted inline skates, it really wasnt an unreasonable request, but scaping together the 60 quid wasnt possible, until I spotted them in T J Hughes for 14 pounds, I got them, checked the size ect and he was made up with them on Christmas day, I put the baby in the pram and we walked to the park that had the best flat surfaces to practice on , only to find they were the right size but were two right feet, he was gutted, we walked back home silently, and the following day I took them back, the day after we did the same trip just the two of us this time the the Park with the flat surfaces, (I wanted to give him my full attention) only to find we had two left feet, as I was taking them off and handing him his trainers he said, take them back to the shop and get your money back it doesnt matter now, and thats what I did, a look of utter disapointment, however the boy is now 23 and is able to relay this story annually and to his utter advantage (in so many ways) its loved so really its a gift that just keeps giving December 1997
right I am off now to wrap sprouts in discarded ferrara rochet wrappers, it gets em everytime
Ho Ho whatever
Mahooo
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