His body is a Temple ......not!

From Monday to Friday his body is a temple, he wont even drink tea after 7pm and never touches coffee or alcohol during these five days of abstinence, he goes to the gym or plays football each night after work, and shocking as it may seem Friday night has also been gym night, no takeway with his family, nope, he cooked chicken breast marinated in sun dried tomatoes (i dont think the sun was in this country). Come Saturday all this changes he skipped the roast beef and Yorkshire pudding evening meal offered by that woman he gave gastric reflux to all those years ago in favour f the phrase eatings is cheating, and scrubbed up and went out all out to change the mantra from My body is a temple to My body is a brewery/kebab shop/brothel (if i am very lucky)

This experiement went on to prove that he let down himself and Urmston mens club, yes he was hungover.

With a tear in my eyes am I

a) Very proud
b) Relieved he hasn’t choked on his own vomit
c) Wondering when he will grow out of this seesawing of of values


This is the boy that gave me gatric reflux, i do hold a grudge and one day he too will feel that burning pain of excess that takes his breath away...........

Mrs Mahoo (keeping in real)

Jillie's R.I.P....

I have been pretty busy this week, but not so busy that I hadnt noticed that the famous "Jillies nightclub" had closed/gone into liquidation. I havent shed a tear but I have dug out some old snaps taken long before home computers, mobile phones, digital cameras, flatscreened televisions. In fact the only modern invention i am sure was around at that time was the microwave, they were really big chunky things and cost a staggering £650! honestly, there was non of the popping to the supermarket and getting one for just under £50, anyway i have gone right off the subject Jillies....

The first time i went to jillies, it was a much anticipated event, i had left school so it would have been 1983, I didnt even wear heels or makeup, I had enough money to pay for entrance fee of just £1.25 and bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale (ok i copied what everyone else did) were £1 a bottle and i remember I could manage just two before i went onto coke. I loved it, there was lots of people in various fashions, i admired the girls with their back combed hair (the two Lynnes) who I thought were beautiful, they would get up to dance to "Jamies crying" by xxxxxxx, boys got up headbanging or playing air guitar (they werent joking), the dj's played all the music I loved, More than a feeling by journey, was a floor filler, I didnt want the saturday nights to end, but when they did, I would pop next door to angels and have their version of KFC, gettng the all night bus home was an eye opener, in those days they still had conductors who would come upstairs and take the fairs the 192 was an experience i wouldnt have missed for the world. The wonderful characters, everyone was having such a good time they didnt need to fight, they were just too busy rocking..

So, I dont shed a tear, times change and things move on I had the best time ever and so did everyone else who was there at that time at that age.

Its all embroidered in with concerts at the Apollo, nights at Umist rock disco and the phoenix.

When ZZ top came on the large screen everyone stopped to watch the videos of, She's got legs or sharp dressed man, or Twisted sister and we even watched and laughed at the David coverdale ones with that model girlfriend of his at the time (honestly david what were you thinking).

good times, see the snap attached? its me and Lemmy from motorhead the story goes something like this............ it must have been september 1986 and I was out with Tracy (who would later become my sister in law) but on this particular night she was just a pizzed up friend, we had been to jillies and the banshee and she was very drunk we were just walking past the midland when she looks over the road and shouts LOOK ITS LEMMY FROM MOTORHEAD, and you know what it actually was, he and his bouncer (he needed a bouncer??) came over and got talking to us and Lemmy famously said "listen girls, were staying at the piccadilly hotel, would you like to come back to our room for a drink, no funny business"? we laughed and said no and got in a taxi back to eccles, in my experience when a boy says no funny business it means he has/is/or would really like there to be some...... thats my story and I am sticking to it....................

Love hurts..............

Many, many years ago a girl of just Twenty found herself to be pregnant, shocked and stressed by this she kept the fact hidden for many weeks, this was relatively easy to do as she had just left home and changed her job, therefore the people who perhaps knew her the best were not at hand to witness the change in body shape ( big) eating habits (donuts and lucozade) she was very frightened and thought that if she didn’t think about the problem it might just go away…. when she finally registered with a GP she famously said

“I think we can dispense with the pregnancy test, in around 17 weeks you will be having a baby”!

now none of that really matters, but a story without a good background is no story at all and that’s the back ground……………….

The morning (noon and night) sickness went on and on, had she been losing weight or any sign that this was affecting the child growing inside her I am sure the doctors would have been concerned as it wasn’t she got the largest bottles of gaviscon on prescription (free) they were so heavy there was no way she could carry one from the pharmacy without the aid of a bag on wheels (all this for a former rock chick) the bottles were the size of demijohns.

She continued to take gaviscon in big swigs (dispensing with the 5ml spoons immediately) and this continued until the 7lb 1 oz baby pushed his way into this world (she always pictured that scene out of alien, it wasn’t anything like, but the legal high permitted whilst in labour can do a funny thing to your memories, especially to a fan of science fiction)

They say love hurts but in my experience it doesn’t hurt as much as gastric reflux

I have just started a prescription of lanzoprazole, but I may kill you if you mention rennies, arrowroot biscuits, ginger ale, peppermint cordial or the fact I caused it through eating spicy foreign food, just a warning…….

mahoooooo

Congratulations

I clicked on my email today after work, obviously looking to see what I had won and there it was


Dear Maria

Thanks for sending in your "little ray of sunshine" suggestion, I am pleased to tell you that you are one of our winners and your suggestion will be included in the May issue of Virgin Trains magazine.


So you want to know what my input was, its hear:

Dear Virgin

I love spending Saturday afternoons rummaging in charity shops with my
friend. Sometimes we get bargains – this week I bagged a wonderful brown
leather jacket for just a fiver! – and even if we don’t buy anything, we
thoroughly enjoy ourselves.
Maria Kenny

So thats how easy it is to win, and what did I win, well i know its nothing major I think its a set of books or a book voucher, but how fabtastic that my snippets will be available for all to read on a boring train journey throughout May.

keep on comping

Also, i didnt buy the conker necklace but (and you can ask my hubs for clarification on this) we saw a man wearing a conker necklace on "The Strogget" in copenhagen last month, I KID YOU NOT

Copenhagen (Wonderful)

Wonderful, Wonderful Copenhagen................ I dont any more of that song than you do. I do know I had a fabtastic weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday in this capital city for NOUGHT PENCE.

We got our flights out at 10.ooish and were collected at Copenhagen airport by a chaufeur, complete with the black leather gloves and a sign that read MRS MARIA KENNY on it, I gave him the nod and we followed him to a black limo, the windows were darkened and double glazed and hubs was rather taken with the mode of transport, I was more impressed that we had only a 20 min drive to our centrally located hotel and free drinks to slurp on the way. Our driver Chris was very nice, his english was perfect with a slight american accent. As i looked out of the window it was all i could do to keep myself from thinking about James Bond films, "No Mr bond I expect you to die", i think it was a mixture of unexpected international travel, a driver in a uniform and black leather gloves.

Our hotel was nice, a double balcony and large enough to contain a sitting area, we threw our stuff in our room and got out and about, obviously after sampling a Kebap our first quick snack to keep us going while we walked along the Strogget - a mile of shops than meanders and twists and turns wonderfully bringing you into squares, courtyards all filled with bicicles and acordian players.

We called for our first drink at Strekkers bar and tasted turbourg lager, it worked out at around £5 a pint but as we constantly reminded ourselves for the rest of the weekend, this wasnt our money after all it was courtesy of my comp, and we raised glass after glass of various beverages to Colgate, god bless em.

I Love Lola (Still)

I still love my car, she has been in my possession for just over two years now and we have bonded over so many old cassette tapes, I am almost in tears now, we have rediscovered, Blondie, the full back catalogue of Iron Maiden, who doesnt want their mum collecting them from the Trafford Centre with "Run to the Hills"? my current tape is T'Pau, who I remember watching in Leeds around 1986, they were supporting Brian Adams, on the "Run to you tour" - or whatever it was called.... I remember it was a really cold night, but being only 19 I dressed in skimpy inappropriate clothes (no wonder I got pregnant) we were all so tired in the 1980's it was the stress of constantly backcombing our hideous hair does (more of a hair dont really) and pushing our sleeves up...... anyway none of that matters really, the fact is i came accross a gem of a cassette hardly used and for the princely sum of just 50p to sing China in your Hand all the way through after all these years has been emotional to say the least ..............

China in Your Hand
From the album Bridge of Spies by T'Pau
Written by Carol Decker and Ron Rogers...
Verse 1
It was a theme she had
On a scheme he had
told in a foreign land
To take life on earth
To the second birth
and the man was in
command
It was a flight on the wings
Of a young girls dreams
That flew too far away
And we could make the monster live again
Oh hands move and heart beat on
Now life will return in this electric storm
A prophecy for a fantasy
The curse of a vivid
mind
Don't push too far
Your Dreams are china in your hand
Don't wish too hard
Because they may come true
And you can't help them
You don't know what you might
Have set upon yourself
China in your hand
Come from greed
Never born of the seed
T
ook life from a barren hand
On eyes wide
Like a child in the form of a man
A story told
A mind of his own
An omen for our time
We take a flight on the wings of fantasy
Then you push too far
And make your dreams reality
Yeah! china in your hand
B
ut they're only dreams
And you shouldn't push too far

wonderful...................