My last will and testament

When my time comes (and it will,its more certain than everything else that may or may happen to me) and my body is no longer able to function and I stop breathing and my heart stops, never to race again, well there may well be tears but hopefully not that many and then at some point my last will and testament will be looked at (I am guessing that Sean will be long gone by this time as looking around me they dont seem to have the staying power that we women have )

so at some point my will will be read out, I read somewhere once that you can insist that everyone named in a wil only benefits from the things stated in the will if they actually attending the reading of the will.....and I was daydreaming the other day on the way to work that you could insist everyone comes to a reading (I am fairly generous it would be in a nice hotel maybe will a lunch laid on afterwards) and I would leave the following items to a variety of people related by blood, marriage and friendship, work colleagues, neighbours and all manner of people I have collected over the years here is my list



glass clown from the 1970’s

One pair of ill fitting shoes

One and a half rolls of G B lining paper

my collection of womble memorabilia

the contents of my chest freezer

the mattress in the garage with the unidentified stain on it

A quarter of Ham and three laughing cow cheese triangles

A full dinner set only used twice comprising of two chipped cups and several missing serving plates

three deckchairs one of which is faulty, but you get to find out which one at a later date and possibly injure yourself in the process....


My list could go on forever, but in a final note, I heard a story once on the radio of a woman who lived in devon, her one and only son lived in Glasgow, he never visited made only obligational phone calls unless he wanted money for some venture or other which the lady always provided as it was her one and only chance of seeing him and his family.

She left everything to him in her will, but with a stipulation that he must hire a van and collect the old family piano and personally ensure it reaches his home in Glasgow in pristine condition, and it must be displayed at all times, if this condition was not adhered to he would forfeit his inherritance and it would be donated to a specialist cancer hospital, he could of course contest this but the negative press he would receive would harm his professional profile.

This lady stuck the middle finger to that selfish boy from the grave and he knew every time he looked at the piano that he damn well deserved it.

I dont have anyone I want to get back at which makes me extremely fortunate ....

I also want to say dont spend a lot of my funeral or coffin, you can get them on the internet and build them yourself with instructions, all recycled cardboard which would work unless it rained of course......

God bless us one and all

Maria

ps. the snap is significant because it was my name before I married and took another, proving you never appreciate something until its gone.....