Copenhagen (Wonderful)

Wonderful, Wonderful Copenhagen................ I dont any more of that song than you do. I do know I had a fabtastic weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday in this capital city for NOUGHT PENCE.

We got our flights out at 10.ooish and were collected at Copenhagen airport by a chaufeur, complete with the black leather gloves and a sign that read MRS MARIA KENNY on it, I gave him the nod and we followed him to a black limo, the windows were darkened and double glazed and hubs was rather taken with the mode of transport, I was more impressed that we had only a 20 min drive to our centrally located hotel and free drinks to slurp on the way. Our driver Chris was very nice, his english was perfect with a slight american accent. As i looked out of the window it was all i could do to keep myself from thinking about James Bond films, "No Mr bond I expect you to die", i think it was a mixture of unexpected international travel, a driver in a uniform and black leather gloves.

Our hotel was nice, a double balcony and large enough to contain a sitting area, we threw our stuff in our room and got out and about, obviously after sampling a Kebap our first quick snack to keep us going while we walked along the Strogget - a mile of shops than meanders and twists and turns wonderfully bringing you into squares, courtyards all filled with bicicles and acordian players.

We called for our first drink at Strekkers bar and tasted turbourg lager, it worked out at around £5 a pint but as we constantly reminded ourselves for the rest of the weekend, this wasnt our money after all it was courtesy of my comp, and we raised glass after glass of various beverages to Colgate, god bless em.

I Love Lola (Still)

I still love my car, she has been in my possession for just over two years now and we have bonded over so many old cassette tapes, I am almost in tears now, we have rediscovered, Blondie, the full back catalogue of Iron Maiden, who doesnt want their mum collecting them from the Trafford Centre with "Run to the Hills"? my current tape is T'Pau, who I remember watching in Leeds around 1986, they were supporting Brian Adams, on the "Run to you tour" - or whatever it was called.... I remember it was a really cold night, but being only 19 I dressed in skimpy inappropriate clothes (no wonder I got pregnant) we were all so tired in the 1980's it was the stress of constantly backcombing our hideous hair does (more of a hair dont really) and pushing our sleeves up...... anyway none of that matters really, the fact is i came accross a gem of a cassette hardly used and for the princely sum of just 50p to sing China in your Hand all the way through after all these years has been emotional to say the least ..............

China in Your Hand
From the album Bridge of Spies by T'Pau
Written by Carol Decker and Ron Rogers...
Verse 1
It was a theme she had
On a scheme he had
told in a foreign land
To take life on earth
To the second birth
and the man was in
command
It was a flight on the wings
Of a young girls dreams
That flew too far away
And we could make the monster live again
Oh hands move and heart beat on
Now life will return in this electric storm
A prophecy for a fantasy
The curse of a vivid
mind
Don't push too far
Your Dreams are china in your hand
Don't wish too hard
Because they may come true
And you can't help them
You don't know what you might
Have set upon yourself
China in your hand
Come from greed
Never born of the seed
T
ook life from a barren hand
On eyes wide
Like a child in the form of a man
A story told
A mind of his own
An omen for our time
We take a flight on the wings of fantasy
Then you push too far
And make your dreams reality
Yeah! china in your hand
B
ut they're only dreams
And you shouldn't push too far

wonderful...................

Scandinavian Viking Vampires

Everyone needs some nice eye candy to get them through the working day, I change the little snap I have on my works pinboard whenever I feel like and this week its the actor who plays Eric Northman - Or should I say Eric the owner of Fangtasia, the vampire bar in Bon Temps - still not getting it? well you need to tune in to FX this friday (and every friday for the next 12 weeks) anyway, the actors name is Alexander Skarsgard. I got the little snap from the last page (page 98 if you need to go a searching your recycling bin - go on do it now its on page 98 of The Guide, did i mention its on page 98?) the actor obviously doenst look the same as the character he plays but he is well and 100% fit as some of my class mates used to write on the back of toilet doors in the early 1980's.

I had one of those mad stare moments where you know you are staring but cant seem to move away, a real comfortable stare I call it, oh go on you know what i mean. Anyway in case you dont know that I won a trip to Copenhagen next month, i cant beleive there is anyone in the Manchester area who doesnt know, it suddenly came into my mind, Copenhagan thats Scandinavian, thats where Eric the Vampire originally came from, ok over 1000 years ago, but I am going to be on the look out for any looky liky's whilst meandering through Tivoli Gardens, and the flights are booked with Scandinavian Airways, there is a possiblity that the cabin crewe could be distant relatives of his, the thought has warmed me up more than a chicken and ham greggs pasty i can tell you.

I can let you know what the skands look like, of course with my blonde hair they will think i am a native, till i say in a broad mancunian accent that no one understands “what 19 Kroners for a straddle, I mean struddle?

After all that i will need a lie down in a dark room (with a fit vampire).

Thats all

Mrs Mahooo

A MUM OR A MUG?

I dont want to come over all whingey but I have to say, that way too much of my time either before work, at lunchtime or after work is spent ensuring we have a warburtons thick sliced loaf, barms, and other provisions, now this would be ok if it was just for me and i was the only person available to have to do this, but I am not, i have a more than capable husband, a teenage daughter and a grown up son, 22 this year and it never seems to cross their minds that this responsiblity should be shared accross the family, how did this happen?

My buckaroo theory is that we as mums just keep allowing an extra responsibility to be added, sometimes it is added so carefully we dont realise at the time and six months down the line you job title has changed slightly until eventually it might as well be MUG instead of MUM. Anyway thats what i was thinking tonight as i waited for the met home from town with - a loaf, barms, orange squash, three peppers, and two large Quorn cottage pies, i had them in the oven and hid the wrappers before anyone could protest, of course I didnt fool hubs who very wisely just said " dont ever give me this again, quorn my arse", this was quickly followed by "dont worry i will eat it", i think he saw the shimmer of - am gonna kick yo ass sumbitch ya goddamn betcha ya'll eat it - or something like that. Anyway, the eldest didnt noticed and ate the lot and you know what if he doesnt like it he can join the goddamn circus and leave, I say this as i noticed that those snake hipped odd bodds are in town again, circo soleil i think there called, now i wonder if they eat Quorn.

Also, i made a concerted effort to stop punishing myself, and i cancelled my gym membership, i did have a big fat lie of a reason why if they asked, i was going to say i had to have an operation that may or may not be successful and If it was successful it would take me months to recover from, i even practiced getting my eyes all sad, instead I blurted out " I want to cancel my gym membership, I find it really boring", the look on the superslim gym person was a bit shocked and disgusted really.

I cant tell you how much lighter i feel without that millstone round my neck, now if it could just be conveyed on the scales that would be just fine and dandy

Mahoo

Sweeping Side fringes

I finally did it, I decided I was not only going to grow out my fringe but also get some blonde colour put in, now I find myself looking at every one with a sweeping side fringe and wondering how on earth they manage it, I had the new do last Tuesday so its almost one week, its been a real endurance test, ok I haven’t been hit by a car coming that I didn’t see or anything, but I have to confess to almost getting on the 258 instead of the 256 – a real school girl error. And one you can be forgiven for making if you need your eyes testing but not because you are trying to sport the “sweeping side fringe”. I almost (my stylist needs to ignore this) got the scissors out and hacked myself something, only the thoughts of looking like Garth off Wayne’s world stopped me. More on the sweeping side fringe at a later date, I mean Phil oaky managed it back in the day, were there any long term optical health problems? I note that he now has a skin head, is that to ensure he has full vision? And Hitler, he had a floppy sweeping side fringe no wonder he was always so angry. Don’t you want me baby, don’t you want me whooooa ……………………

Christmas At The Midland

I awake on Christmas morning around 9.00am, I have not a shred of stress in my whole body, I smile, I go downstairs and make tea for me, hubs and feckles, there are no spouts to peel, no turkeys to baste and it’s a light, wonderful feeling, yes all familial, maternal and obligatory responsibilities have been discharged, I am empowered, I am also a little nervous, I look over at hubs eating his bacon barm and wonder what he is thinking ( could be a) what on earth are we doing leaving our home and running away like fugitives to a city centre hotel? Or b) this bacon is nice – who can ever tell what a man is thinking?)

We open presents and are all pleased with what we have. In about 30 minutes we are packed and ready to go, after dropping off our youngest at her boyfriends where she will be spending Christmas Day and wishing our eldest “all the best” we are driving into Manchester city centre, which is deserted, you know like that film Vanilla Sky’s staring Tom Cruise, you know the one.

The reason for this unusual Christmas Day behaviour?, well a few things really, last year in a nutshell, well I don’t think it will fit, but hear goes - the week before Christmas, our car was written off, my father in law had a fall and was leaving this mortal coil in (No) Hope Hospital, Salford and strangely enough we carried on as normal as was possible, not sure how we got through it but we did, the world is full of people limping along in many ways then the final straw came, nothing much but final straws don’t have to be do they? a very upsetting couple of days in Late November
(Feckles decided she was ditching the A levels and wanted to get a full time job instead, etc, etc ) instead of leaving my office and getting on the met to Stretford, I walked straight into The Midland Hotel, Manchester and quoting a “special code”, got a fantastic deal (not much more than your average travel lodge prices) I phoned hubs after the event and told him this was what I needed to do, he seemed ok with it at the time, perhaps a little puzzled about my mental health but that’s just fine and dandy, what he didn’t know what that exactly three days later after another upset I went back in and booked the following night too! (After that I made sure I got took a detour away from the hotel, or I may just have tried to move in there permanently like Albert Tacklock*

The décor is like something from another era, and funnily enough I had the film “The Shining” in my mind as we walked along the deserted corridors, so did hubs as he said “if I see a child on a Trike coming towards us or a grown man dressed as a bunny”……………… god bless our long standing relationship (23 years and counting, its become almost telepathic!).


We Check in to our king sized suite, our room is huge, the toiletries reassuringly expensive (Peckniffs – in Happy and Alive – which is how I feel on this Christmas afternoon) there is a bottle of Champers on ice and a box of luxury chocolates with the monogram of the hotel.


We open a bottle of red and clink glasses (Yes from my extensive wine cellar, we lovingly call “the Cupboard) I had never realised just how big the hotel was, I have never actually stayed there before, but I did audition for supermarket sweep with my father in law (bless him, he would have done anything for anyone) around May 1995 (we didn’t get through, his general knowledge had a few gaps – the most memorable one being that Bryan Adams was Canadian not Australian – he got him mixed up with Jason Donavon), but you know forgive and forget is my moto……..

after Hubs has put all his things away (I never unpack, I just leave my stuff in the suitcase or bag) I have checked out every cupboard, draw, checked what time breakfast is (up until 10.30am on weekends) and laughed that anyone would be so lazy as to ring housekeeping to have their bed put down and a bath run for them). We get in our car and head up to Rusholme, park up and head straight for our trusty favourite Al Quila, where we enjoyed a selection of starters and main courses, his being King Prawn Karahi and mine being Chicken Tikka Makhani, we were sent on our way with a Christmas card from all the staff and a bottle of white wine. Back in our room as we got ready to enjoy an evening getting slowly leathered in the Hotel Bar (you can take the couple out of Stretford etc………) I couldn’t believe how wonderful my Christmas had turned out to be, the following day I looked round the Sales on my own (bliss) hubs went to see his beloved Manchester City, we met up later went for a meal and finished off the evening at the Printworks watching Sherlock Holmes........

God bless us one and all


*Albert Tacklock affectionately known as Uncle Albert, by Ken Barlow, the actor who played Uncle Albert famously lived at the midland hotel for 15 years, and I have to say after a Christmas weekend there, I don’t blame him!

Christmas Part One

Christmas time missletoe and wine - sings dear old cliff
So this is Christmas and what have you done – sings John Lennon
They said it would snow this Christmas, but instead it just kept on raining – sang I think it was Emerson Lake and Palmer but that could be totally wrong...... this christmas it actually did snow and that was lovely

The run up to christmas is nice on one hand, the fairy lights and urm the fairy lights and on another the endless spending, wrapping, shopping until your fingers ache and i do get a bit bah humbug..........and I do look at marketing strategies, after Halloween everything ends up being marked down to 20p (yipppeee the joy) then the shelves are cleared for the large tins of Quality Street, Heroes and Roses. Some shops are doing them buy one get one free at £10 each, others are £5 each and the really cheeky shops are trying to get £7.

The free instore magazines are heaving with promises of top tips for a credit crunch Christmas. I have spent the month flicking through various magazines, looking at roasted turkeys, delighted family faces, children all cosy in dressing gowns with wonder in their eyes, oh yeah and lots of adverts for three piece suites (delivered in time for Christmas). So the three kings did they follow the star to the nearest dfs? Was jesus laid in a manger, Did they think that God loved them because they could get nought per cent finance and nothing to pay for two years, before the easy repayment terms kicked in? I am cynical and the greed and excess are bad enough, but the obligation, expectation and fakeness of it all leaves me the coldest Grinch ever. This year I am working on my own Alternative Christmas and will be back to tell all very soon

Mahoo………………………..